She Turned Me Into a Newt!

What struck me right off the bat watching the Republican debate last night was that Newt Gingrich walks and is more-than-vaguely-shaped like Winnie-the-Pooh. Genius, right? After my Newt/Pooh epiphany, I was shocked -- SHOCKED -- to experience another blinding flash so soon: Callista is an Angry Yellow Bird. A Level-Three-Hit-the-Screen Angry Yellow Bird. (Whee! He-he!)

It's interesting to me that Callista is Ever-Present. If you see Newt, Callista is not far away. I contend that, as the "Other Woman" who replaced "Another Other Woman" (the lovely and oh-so talkative Marianne Gingrich) -- see a pattern here? -- she leaves his arm briefly as she waits outside the men's room door for Chubby Hubby, then glues herself once again to his side. I'm racking my brain to figure out another moment of the day that Yellow Bird isn't within striking distance of her Green Pig, and I got nuthin'. My guess is that she doesn't trust him between the front door and the ice cream truck. Or the back door. Is it with good reason? Maybe we should ask Jackie, the first of Newt's wives to go through the revolving Newt door.

But all this Newt-ness gets tiresome, and makes my tumbly all rumbly. Pooh likes honey; I prefer Snickers. Here's something naughty from the Second Ward cookbook and my friend Lisa C., who is a genius in the kitchen. But, HEY! -- IT'S A SALAD, folks:

Snickerdoodle Salad

4 (or 5 or 6) king-size Snickers bars (feel free to adjust according to taste), chilled and cut into 1/2-inch chunks

4 Granny Smith apples, washed and cut into 1/2-inch chunks

1/2 tub of Cool Whip

Mix together and chill for one hour. Try the low-fat Cool Whip, though it's not like the missing four grams of fat are going to make a dent in this baby. (There is NO diabetic version of this salad. But take heart that there's fruit, real fruit in there.)

Remember, friends: while Winnie-the-Pooh is a sweet and lovable ol' bear, Newt is a fat, pasty ol' man and I don't even want to think about pretty young things throwing themselves at him for ... what? why? {{{{{shudders}}}}}}

I got nuthin'. Pass the brain bleach.

Whole Wide World

Saw this. Loved it. Sharing it with you.

Recipe-wise, I've been so excited for Thanksgiving (not enough attention is given to Thanksgiving, smushed as it is between Halloween and Christmas -- IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT!) that I've started making bits and pieces of my dinner ahead of time. Last night I made my cranberry sauce, which is an Emeril recipe I messed with, and canned it (more or less) in a freezer jam sort of way. Here it is:

CRANBERRY SAUCE

1 (12-oz.) bag of cranberries

1 T. (big T) orange zest

1 t. (little t) lemon zest

1/4 cup fresh orange juice

3 T. fresh lemon juice

1/2 cup sugar or sugar substitute or a little of each

1 t. vanilla

2 cups water

3 T. cornstarch

Put cranberries, orange zest, lemon zest, juices, sugar and 1 1/2 cups water in a medium-sized non-reactive saucepan over medium-high heat. Bring to a boil and cook for 8 minutes. Dissolve cornstarch in remaining 1/2 cup water and add to the pan. Reduce heat to medium and stir constantly until thick, about 2 minutes. Remove from heat and cool completely. (I use a whole package of cranberries; I like my sauce a bit more tart -- Emeril uses about 3/4 of a bag. Wimp! Plus, what are you going to do with a 1/4 cup of cranberries?) Also, feel free to add sugar to taste -- when I say I like my cranberries tart, I mean it.

I filled a quart jar about 3/4 full with water and got it boiling for a couple of minutes in the microwave. I pulled it out carefully, discarded the water and re-filled it with hot cranberry sauce. I placed the lid on top of the jar and waited until I got a seal! Voila! It tastes fabulous and it's not that can-shaped jelly that you roll out onto a plate to slice. (I don't mean to knock it, but -- come on -- REALLY?? Just because your mom did it doesn't mean you have to.)

Since I don't actually know how to can, I'm keeping it in the refrigerator until Thanksgiving because I am a germ freak and if I can boil the h-e-double-hockey-sticks out of something or freeze a spore to death, I will do it proudly and without apology. Any comments on my preservation (or lack of) techniques is welcomed, but if you have a better idea (like how to REALLY can something), I'd prefer you come over and show me. :)