A Few Tidbits ...

Interesting election, no?  Crummy election, yes?  I can't believe that many people that voted for McCain (three million!) didn't even show up to vote for Romney.  And now we're back where we started, except that Jimmy Jr. and his people are REALLY mad that anyone would deign to challenge him.  I think he's pretty mad at the voters who voted the "other way" also ... because it's all about him.  It makes me want to hide my head in the sand for another four years, but ...

THERE'S A BETTER PLACE TO HIDE YOUR HEAD:

Traditional Exterior design by Philadelphia Architect Archer & Buchanan Architecture, Ltd.

Traditional Exterior design by Philadelphia Architect

Traditional Exterior design by Philadelphia Architect Archer & Buchanan Architecture, Ltd.

Traditional Exterior design by Philadelphia Architect Archer & Buchanan Architecture, Ltd.

Traditional Living Room design by Philadelphia Architect Archer & Buchanan Architecture, Ltd.

Traditional Home Office design by Philadelphia Architect Archer & Buchanan Architecture, Ltd.

Awesome, eh?  Come join me.  I hope you like Hobbits -- I like them better than Liberals. :)

She Turned Me Into a Newt!

What struck me right off the bat watching the Republican debate last night was that Newt Gingrich walks and is more-than-vaguely-shaped like Winnie-the-Pooh. Genius, right? After my Newt/Pooh epiphany, I was shocked -- SHOCKED -- to experience another blinding flash so soon: Callista is an Angry Yellow Bird. A Level-Three-Hit-the-Screen Angry Yellow Bird. (Whee! He-he!)

It's interesting to me that Callista is Ever-Present. If you see Newt, Callista is not far away. I contend that, as the "Other Woman" who replaced "Another Other Woman" (the lovely and oh-so talkative Marianne Gingrich) -- see a pattern here? -- she leaves his arm briefly as she waits outside the men's room door for Chubby Hubby, then glues herself once again to his side. I'm racking my brain to figure out another moment of the day that Yellow Bird isn't within striking distance of her Green Pig, and I got nuthin'. My guess is that she doesn't trust him between the front door and the ice cream truck. Or the back door. Is it with good reason? Maybe we should ask Jackie, the first of Newt's wives to go through the revolving Newt door.

But all this Newt-ness gets tiresome, and makes my tumbly all rumbly. Pooh likes honey; I prefer Snickers. Here's something naughty from the Second Ward cookbook and my friend Lisa C., who is a genius in the kitchen. But, HEY! -- IT'S A SALAD, folks:

Snickerdoodle Salad

4 (or 5 or 6) king-size Snickers bars (feel free to adjust according to taste), chilled and cut into 1/2-inch chunks

4 Granny Smith apples, washed and cut into 1/2-inch chunks

1/2 tub of Cool Whip

Mix together and chill for one hour. Try the low-fat Cool Whip, though it's not like the missing four grams of fat are going to make a dent in this baby. (There is NO diabetic version of this salad. But take heart that there's fruit, real fruit in there.)

Remember, friends: while Winnie-the-Pooh is a sweet and lovable ol' bear, Newt is a fat, pasty ol' man and I don't even want to think about pretty young things throwing themselves at him for ... what? why? {{{{{shudders}}}}}}

I got nuthin'. Pass the brain bleach.

Whole Wide World

Saw this. Loved it. Sharing it with you.

Recipe-wise, I've been so excited for Thanksgiving (not enough attention is given to Thanksgiving, smushed as it is between Halloween and Christmas -- IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT!) that I've started making bits and pieces of my dinner ahead of time. Last night I made my cranberry sauce, which is an Emeril recipe I messed with, and canned it (more or less) in a freezer jam sort of way. Here it is:

CRANBERRY SAUCE

1 (12-oz.) bag of cranberries

1 T. (big T) orange zest

1 t. (little t) lemon zest

1/4 cup fresh orange juice

3 T. fresh lemon juice

1/2 cup sugar or sugar substitute or a little of each

1 t. vanilla

2 cups water

3 T. cornstarch

Put cranberries, orange zest, lemon zest, juices, sugar and 1 1/2 cups water in a medium-sized non-reactive saucepan over medium-high heat. Bring to a boil and cook for 8 minutes. Dissolve cornstarch in remaining 1/2 cup water and add to the pan. Reduce heat to medium and stir constantly until thick, about 2 minutes. Remove from heat and cool completely. (I use a whole package of cranberries; I like my sauce a bit more tart -- Emeril uses about 3/4 of a bag. Wimp! Plus, what are you going to do with a 1/4 cup of cranberries?) Also, feel free to add sugar to taste -- when I say I like my cranberries tart, I mean it.

I filled a quart jar about 3/4 full with water and got it boiling for a couple of minutes in the microwave. I pulled it out carefully, discarded the water and re-filled it with hot cranberry sauce. I placed the lid on top of the jar and waited until I got a seal! Voila! It tastes fabulous and it's not that can-shaped jelly that you roll out onto a plate to slice. (I don't mean to knock it, but -- come on -- REALLY?? Just because your mom did it doesn't mean you have to.)

Since I don't actually know how to can, I'm keeping it in the refrigerator until Thanksgiving because I am a germ freak and if I can boil the h-e-double-hockey-sticks out of something or freeze a spore to death, I will do it proudly and without apology. Any comments on my preservation (or lack of) techniques is welcomed, but if you have a better idea (like how to REALLY can something), I'd prefer you come over and show me. :)

When Grown-Ups Take Over

LOVED Obama's speech yesterday! It's not often a president stoops to a craven campaign speech a full eighteen months before his upcoming elections. He must really be in trouble in the polls to bring out the "Republicans are going to smother your grandma with a pillow" and "they're giving babies the ebola virus" and "they eat puppies at their fundraisers." That's me: a Puppy-eating Baby-hater.

Meanwhile, the people who actually have A SERIOUS PLAN to pare down the deficit are called names by the president. This is one grown-up's response to the ridiculousness:

There is not a more serious, earnest Congressman in Washington, unless you count Allen West. I'm glad we have the adults on our side, even if it doesn't help with the voting populace-at-large, who generally lack the attention span and the education (gotta love our public schools!) to understand this is no longer a funny game.

But enough of that -- let's eat! Today I have a cinnamon crumb-topped Cream Cheese Banana Bread that is crazy-moist and beloved in my family, even by people who hate bananas (yes, there ARE such people, and I live with them everyday -- pray for me.)

CREAM CHEESE BANANA BREAD

3/4 c. butter

1 (8-oz.) pkg. cream cheese

1 1/2 c. sugar (I do a split of sugar and Splenda)

2 large eggs

2 t. vanilla

3 c. flour

1/2 t. baking powder

1/2 t. baking soda

1/2 t. cinnamon

3/4 t. salt

1 1/2 c. mashed, very ripe, peeled bananas

1 c. chopped pecans (optional)

CRUMB TOPPING

1/2 c. brown sugar

1/2 c. pecans

1/4 t. cinnamon

1 T. flour

1 1/2 T. melted butter

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and flour and butter two 8 x 4 loaf pans. Stir topping ingredients together and set aside. Beat butter and cream cheese with an electric mixer until creamy, then add sugar gradually 'til light and fluffy. Add eggs until just blended. In a separate bowl, mix flour, baking powder, soda, cinnamon, and salt. Add to cream cheese mixture slowly at low speed until just blended. Stir in bananas, pecans, vanilla. Sprinkle crumb topping evenly over batter in both pans. Bake for 55 minutes, or until a wooden toothpick inserted into the center comes out cleanly. You may have to cover with aluminum foil the last 10-15 minutes of baking to ensure the bread doesn't come out too dark. Don't wait to eat -- it's fantastic warm!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all! The sun has stepped aside to give rainy Valencia somewhat of a winter feel -- glorious! Sure, the rain shorted the Christmas lights in the front yard and people's homes may start falling into the canyons, but we will take what we can get in the way of holiday atmosphere.

One of my Christmas presents was a CAT scan. It wasn't on my list, but I'm grateful for anything given freely with a loving heart. Or from an insurance company, though I bet the co-pay on this puppy would make a lovely Christmas for a family in need. Either way, I get the results this afternoon from the otorhinolaryngologist this afternoon. Everyone raise a glass of milk that this is a quick fix and I'll be back to my whiny self soon! Clink! Cheers!

No Rest For the Weary

Obamacare passed in the Senate Christmas Eve morn, a would-be terrorist tried to blow up Detroit (but the system worked and the passengers stopped it!), and Israel is recalling all its diplomats for a "powwow." I love the relaxation of the holiday season!

We must keep up the good fight. I get weary, waking every morning to log onto Drudge to find out what "they're" trying to pull today, but I will continue to have my senators and my congressman on speed-dial and have my fingers at the ready to e-mail -- again -- an angry letter that asks -- again -- the question, "Where in the Constitution do you derive these powers? When is representation to be restored to this people? How is this NOT taxation without representation?"

I don't have the answers to these questions, but I did find a comfort food recipe I've been searching for forever. When I was a little girl, Cherry Cheesecake was my favorite dessert -- and it's simple to make, thanks to the 1970's penchant for using canned goods and pudding mixes. More of a pie, really, I'm hoping you like it, too.

MOM'S CHERRY CHEESECAKE

2 (8-oz.) packages cream cheese

2 small packages Jell-O instant vanilla pudding

2 1/2 cups milk

1 1/2 T. lemon juice

cherry pie filling

graham cracker crust

Beat cream cheese until smooth, then slowly add 1/2 cup milk. When the milk is fully incorporated, add instant pudding, then the rest of the milk. Beat just until creamy and add lemon juice. Pour into graham cracker crust, then top with cherry pie filling.

Gourmet? No -- but as welcome on a winter's night as a toasty fire and comfy socks. I've also made this as a parfait, layered with plain graham cracker crumbs and topped off with the cherry sauce. For my diabetic friends, the cherry filling comes in a "no sugar added" version from Comstock, and feel free to use the sugar-free Jell-O instant vanilla pudding.

It's just the thing to bolster the spirit and make one ready to write and call -- ad infinitum -- one's Congressional "representatives." (Cue mocking laughter from large crowd...)

BEST. E-MAIL. EVER!

Andrew Bolt, an Aussie, is one of the reporters who broke the Climategate scandal several weeks ago. Here is his e-mail to his prime minister, Kevin Rudd, who still thinks we need to act quickly to save the planet:

Dear Mr Rudd,

I am an Australian who respects reason and evidence, and who wants this nation to prosper - and not squander its wealth.

On Friday I heard you say there is now a group of ”opponents of climate change action ... active in every country” that is “powerful enough to threaten a deal on global climate change both in Copenhagen and beyond”.

I would like to join this group. Can you please tell me where I can enroll?

Signed....

Ding! Dong! The Witch Is Dead!

"Ding! Dong! The merry-oh!

Sing it high! Sing it low!

Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead!"

Have you heard about the death of Global Warming? Probably not. Her friends are trying desperately to get the check signed before the coroner finishes up her death certificate. She was going to be feted by the world next week in Copenhagen, but went into heart palpitations when she was unmasked by a whistleblower at the Climate Research Unit at the University of East Anglia in the United Kingdom.

It seems said whistleblower unearthed about ten year's worth of e-mails in which leading climate scientists played expensive pranks on the American people, teaming up with wacky funsters like Al Gore and Ted Danson and the American media establishment to rob you of the ability to heat your home and run your air conditioner. You see, anthropomorphic global warming is based on the CRU's "climate models," shapely women who are coming to every home, apartment, teepee and wickiup in America to quadruple our electricity bills and collect money from our sorry butts for inventing central air and refrigeration.

So what did these charming e-mails say? Here are a few quotes:

"I've just completed Mike's Nature trick of adding in the real temps to each series for the last 20 years and from 1961 for Keith's to hide the decline."

"I can't see any of these papers being in the next IPCC report. Kevin and I will keep them out somehow -- even if we have to redefine what peer-reviewed literature is!"

"I'm getting hassled by a couple of people to release the CRU temperature station data. Don't any of you three tell anybody that the UK has a Freedom of Information Act!"

And my personal favorite: "The fact is that we can't account for the lack of warming at the moment and it is a travesty that we can't."

George Monbiot, a raging global warming alarmist, lamented that the e-mails "could scarcely be more damaging...I'm deeply shaken by them."

I almost feel sorry for them. They were THIS close...THIS CLOSE! to getting the U.S. to sign on to an accord that would account for the largest transfer of wealth the world has ever seen. (In case you missed Lord Monckton's speech on youtube, you and I were going to be on the losing end of that deal.) And it still may happen, for, is the Copenhagen accord dead? Not really. While I may be singing "Free At Last," powerful people are taking turns at resuscitating the body, hoping to keep her on life support until they clear the Copenhagen hurdle. Count on a valiant effort to keep the body alive until the papers are signed...BUT, in the mean time--

SING IT WITH ME NOW!

Ding! Dong! The witch is dead!

Which old witch? The wicked witch!

Ding! Dong! The wicked witch is dead!

Climate Debt

There's a new buzzword about to sweep the country -- once the climate conference in Copenhagen begins, we will be hearing ad nauseam about "climate debt." What is climate debt? YOU OUGHTA KNOW -- YOU OWE IT!

For the past 100 years, you see, the United States has polluted the earth with so many greenhouse gases that will damage so many lives throughout the world from Global Warming. We -- you, me, here, now -- owe our wealth to those whose lives will be destroyed when the oceans rise and the moon turns to blood. Al Gore says by 2015, my minivan will have displaced millions of Africans and Pacific Islanders and Floridians from their watery homes to wretched refugee camps inland.

Who do you think is going to pay for these displaced people? Oh, silly you -- DON'T WORRY! The United Nations has a plan. YOU, the unwitting and generous citizen of the United States, will pay! You, gentle reader, owe the developing world for your use of your car, your home, your electricity, your gas (um, natural gas), and the general way you go about your life taking all your pollutants for granted. YOU owe them all.

Of course, no one owes US a debt for creating a climate (punny!) where Edison could invent the light bulb and bring man out of the darkness and increase his productivity. No one owes US a debt for inventing the air conditioner -- thank you, Willis Haviland Carrier. We don't ask for the world to pay us for inventing modern anesthesia and medicines like the polio vaccine and antibiotics. We don't ask anything for creating more wealth in 100 years than the earth has seen since the dawn of man and sharing more educational opportunities, capital and innovation than any other nation on earth. Ever.

Of course, with real unemployment at 17.5% and a stock market teetering under the weight of its own over-valuation, I don't have a lot of extra cash. So my plan is to make a LOT of these pies and give them to the UN -- maybe then they'll leave the kids' college funds untouched.

TURTLE PUMPKIN PIE

1/4 cup plus 2 Tablespoons caramel sauce, divided

1 graham cracker pie crust

1/2 cup chopped pecans

2 pkg. (3.4 oz) vanilla INSTANT pudding

1 cup cold milk

1 cup canned pumpkin

1 1/2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice

1 (8 oz) tub Cool Whip

Pour 1/4 cup caramel sauce into bottom of pie crust, and top the caramel with pecans. In a medium bowl, blend pudding mixes, milk, pumpkin and pumpkin pie spice until blended. Fold in 1 1/2 cups Cool Whip and spoon into crust. Refrigerate 2 hours. Top with remaining Cool Whip and caramel sauce and serve to hungry guests. Or refugees.

Apologetica

Crabigail had a little surgery and went on a little vacation.

We're still entertaining the Iranians, the Dow is up (so is unemployment), and the health care bill that hasn't been written is being voted on and foisted upon an America that is largely against it.

Have a muffin.

PUMPKIN PECAN MUFFINS

1 yellow cake mix

1 small can pumpkin

2 t. pumpkin pie spice

1/2 cup water

1 T. powdered milk

1 cup chopped pecans

Mix the cake mix, pumpkin, spice, water and milk powder until batter just comes together. Fold in chopped pecans. Fill paper muffin cups 3/4 full. Bake in a 350 degree oven for 25-30 minutes.

My low-sugar friends, feel free to use the Pillsbury half sugar/half Splenda cake mix -- it works just fine and hits the "I-just-want-something-from-the-old-days" kind of spot. (YOU know what I mean...!)

I Thee Command

There were a couple of interesting headlines tonight on "Yahoo! News"and "Politico."

The first one, from Yahoo: "Big Speech: Obama Wants Control of Health Debate." Really? Barack Obama wants control? Who would've guessed after taking over the car companies and the financial sector, he would want control of the health debate, too?

And from Politico: "Under Fire, Obama Shifts Strategy: Obama will detail his health care demands in a major speech." Demands? What are we, hostages? (Don't answer that...)

Here are my demands, as explained by a man who knew both tyranny and liberty in his life, Thomas Jefferson: "I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them."

I know we've all been told those creaky old Founding Fathers are so quaint and out of touch. (After all, as I've been told, wasn't the Constitution really more of a guess-timate than a bedrock document of principle?) In 1802, Jefferson said this, "Banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered." Aren't little old men cute when they're uncanny prophets?

I was always told the people we sent to Washington were there to serve US. If President Obama has a list of demands, he should get in line. There are 320 million of us who are supposed to be ahead of him.

Maybe a little pick-me-up is in order. Here's a simple recipe from my grade school years -- on days they served Yummy Cookies, EVERYONE brought extra lunch money.

LIBERTY YUMMY COOKIES

2 cups granulated sugar

2 cups Karo light corn syrup

2 cups peanut butter

1 small box of Corn Flakes

Bring the sugar and corn syrup to a boil. Remove from heat and add peanut butter (careful, it's HOT!) Let cool a few minutes. Grease a sheet pan with butter. Pour corn flakes onto sheet pan, then pour peanut butter goo all over the corn flakes. Press mixture firmly into the pan (I find it helpful to butter my hands lightly before I start...) Cool, and cut into squares.

It's like being in the sixth grade all over again...

Sheepish Confessions

So a dear friend comments to me -- not on my blog, mind you, but to my face -- "Why do you give out all these dessert recipes if you're a diabetic?"

My answer: "There are reasons I am diabetic. My pancreas is tired. And I have a treasure trove of wee tasties that deserve to be passed on to the benefit of all mankind." (...most of which happen to be very sinful...)

While I have diabetes, it does not have me. These days, with a little juggling, I can eat almost anything as long as I starve myself of proper food, have plenty of advance notice, and ingest said tasty treats in miniscule portions. Life isn't perfect, but as the great Spencer Tracy would say, "It may not be much, but what's there is churce."

To prove I actually eat something besides cookie bars, here's a recipe for some proper food -- it's what people at my church call a perfect food storage recipe. It's simple, it's a one-pot meal, and I actually won a prize for this at Preparedness Night.

CHICKEN TACO STEW

1 teaspoon olive oil

1 onion, chopped

1 (16-oz.)can black beans, drained and rinsed

1 (16-oz.)can kidney beans, drained and rinsed

1 (16-oz.)can corn, drained

1 (8-oz.) can tomato sauce

1 (28-oz.) can tomatoes

1 (7-oz.) can diced green chilies

1 packet taco seasoning

1 teaspoon cumin

2 or 3 cans chicken breast(I know! but you have to use it in SOMETHING!)

chopped cilantro, optional

Heat oil in a dutch oven and add onion; stir until the onions are translucent (for those educated in California, that means "see-through"). Add black beans, kidney beans, corn, tomato sauce, tomatoes, green chilies, taco seasoning, and cumin and stir with a really big spoon. Drain canned chicken and add in the last five minutes of cooking. Spoon into bowls and garnish with a healthy dusting of chopped cilantro.

I got extra points for including the cilantro out of my garden. If I had a cow and could make my own sour cream, I might have run away with the big prize of the night, a huge wheat grinder that looked like it came out of the opening credits of Kate and Leopold (in unison now, girls: sigh for Leo...!) I was thrilled with the cookbook, however, because I never win anything, except, of course, the love of Mr. Adams and the young lad and lass, which makes life ginger-peachy and so worth whatever I have to do to keep on living.

Health Care Nightmare

I think I've solved our health care dilemma! I've got it all figured out.

If uninsured people wish to be covered, we expand Medicaid, which was created to insure those who can't afford insurance. They can have Medicaid!

Except of course, that the uninsured would rather have NOTHING than have Medicaid, because, of course, Medicaid SUCKS. THAT'S off the table!

And it's going bankrupt, too, because it's a government-run program and they ruin everything they touch. To quote The Great Barack Obama, "It's not UPS and Fedex that have problems; it's the Post Office with all the troubles."

But if Medicaid is already in financial trouble insuring 39 million people, and the coverage stinks, how are they going to insure 320 million people well for less money so the new program WON'T go bankrupt?

Do you think they might scale back on people's treatment? Preposterous! That wouldn't be fair to people who already like their medical care -- there are about 280 million of them.

But we all know life isn't fair. I remember a story about a woman in Canada who went into labor -- her local hospital had a full maternity ward and didn't have to take another pregnant woman and refused her admittance. As a matter of fact, every maternity ward in the province of Manitoba was full. Thank goodness there was a bed available a thousand miles away in British Columbia. She was flown there while in labor and had a successful delivery. And they paid for her flight!...It's a really good system.

And the lottery system -- you see, available physicians in Canada are concentrated in the cities, where the need is greatest, so there are shortages of doctors in outlying towns. One town has a lottery -- all the families needing to see a doctor put their names into the hat, and when a doctor becomes available, a name is drawn and a secretary from the mayor's office calls you to give you the happy news that you CAN see a doctor now! I'll bet there's a lot of celebrating in those families...you know, the ones that get the care.

Okay -- I don't have a fix for health care, and I guarantee you that no one else does, either, least of all the geniuses in Washington. So let's stop calling it an emergency that has to be done by July 30 -- what?! we missed the President's emergency deadline and we're still alive??!! -- and listen to the people and really discuss it and do so honestly, because I'm not prepared to hand the sovereignty of my body to the state. (I'm kidding about the "honest" discussion, of course! How can you tell a politician is lying? HIS LIPS ARE MOVING!)

Did someone say rationing? No? Well, ration THIS, Congress.

GERMAN CHOCOLATE BUNDT CAKE

1 chocolate cake mix (18.25 ounces)

1 tub of Coconut Pecan frosting

1 cup water

1/3 cup softened butter

3 large eggs

Grease and flour a 12-cup Bundt pan and preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place all ingredients in a mixing bowl and blend on low for 30 seconds. Scrape down sides of mixer and beat two minutes more on medium speed. Pour the very thick batter into the prepared pan and smooth the top. Bake 50 minutes or until the cake springs back when touched lightly with your forefinger. Cool for 30 minutes, then loosen sides and turn out onto a cake plate.

(Loving coconut pecan frosting just slightly less than my own flesh and blood, I thin out a second tub of frosting -- by microwaving it for 25 seconds -- and drizzle it over the cake, just to add to the ridiculous decadence of this tasty little treat.)

Overwhelming the system

The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket; the system is being overwhelmed and at a breakneck pace.

Obama and Congress are trying to pass taxes on energy consumption, on potato chips and Coke (and Ding-Dongs!!), and your health care plan.  They are re-working the way farms are run, with a nod to Monsanto and friends (good to know they're looking out for me and you, and Ding-Dongs!)   They are doling out free money left and right with their Stimuli and their TARPs, while deciding how certain jobs are compensated and deciding what's fair to pay those who HAVE jobs as they continue to make policy that causes others to LOSE their jobs.  

(We would like to take a moment now to thank the Federal Reserve, whose job SINCE 1913 is to make sure our monetary system is free of volatility.  How's that working out, America?!)

History shows us that the government solves problems by creating programs that then create more problems and cost more money; I think I want them in charge of my health care, too!

The good news is that, for now, there's still junk food.  Here is a recipe for Scotcharoos, a fabulous little treat I first encountered as a child on vacation in Arizona.  We may be in it up to our knees politically, but treats can make anything bearable. 

SCOTCHAROOS

1 cup sugar

1 cup light corn syrup

1 cup peanut butter

6 cups Rice Krispies

1/3 cup semi-sweet chips

1/3 cup butterscotch chips

1/3 cup milk chocolate chips

In a medium saucepan, bring sugar and corn syrup to a boil (be careful -- it's VERY HOT.)  Remove from heat, add peanut butter and whisk to fully combine.  Add Rice Krispies.  Pat into a buttered 9x13 pan.  In a double boiler, melt all the chips slowly over medium heat and stir until smooth.  Drizzle over the top of the Krispie mixture.  Let cool about an hour and cut into bars.  

Prijatno, Comrades!

Who's the man...?

Crabigail feels this isn't going well.

A choice between John McCain and Mike Huckabee is like asking how you'd rather die:  slowly, of neglect? or slowly, of Huckfire and brimstone?  

Do we want to be taxed to death by a President who's making budget cuts, or taxed to death by a President/Preacher-man who will take our money and make himself feel better by giving it to the people who are taking it all anyway?

Do we want our border fence NOT built by a man who's shamnesty bill didn't go through after the outraged American people stopped it, but then tried to ram it through the Senate under another name two weeks later?  Or do we want our border fence NOT built by a man who won't give scholarships to the children of Armed Forces personnel but will give a free ride to the children of illegal aliens?

Dreadful choices, but at some point I have to contemplate pulling a lever for someone. Personal nightmare that keeps Crabby up at night?  John McCain as president, with Mike Huckabee as his running mate -- it's a lock, folks; I saw it in McCain's face during one of the debates.  If they're going to make me choose between McHuck and Hillabama, I'm not sure I can do it.  Crabigail may be in bed beside a box of Puffs Plus that fateful November day, dabbing her teary eyes with the heat turned up and cozy slippers on her feet, alternately eating a hand-packed quart of Baskin-Robbins Chocolate Mousse Royale and playing "Taps" on the bagpipes.  La morte d' U.S.A.? Who knows?

Rudy, Mitt, Fred -- what's your strategy?  Where are you?  Step up and be bold!  Make your mark!  Speak out now, before it's too late!

Someone needs to say, "You want the straight talk express?  Here it is:  John McCain will NOT build your border fence.  Ever.  He's had 20 years to build it, to enforce existing laws on employers that have created the slave labor force that exists for their benefit while the American people pay the healthcare costs and educate their children.  John McCain will never build that fence.  I WILL BUILD THAT FENCE.  I will hire TOM TANCREDO as my Homeland Security chief and we will happily build that fence for you, and while we're at it, we'll build one across the northern border, too."

No one is saying this.  Someone get out there, take the gloves off and say this!

Getting a little concerned...

To be honest, Mitt Romney is not my candidate.  Though we share the same religion, he lacks something that I'm looking for in a president.  Part of it is his personality -- it's probably that he's too careful by half, too careful to answer boldly, too perfectly coiffed.  Part of it is that I've felt from the beginning that his candidacy would reflect back on me -- as President of the United States, he would become the most famous of Mormons, and I'm not sure I want to be painted with his stripes.  

For awhile, Mike Huckabee was my candidate.  I met him several years ago when a relative worked with him and I found him to be a genial kind of guy.  I (severe, debilitating cheapness notwithstanding) gave money -- $50 -- to his campaign and was thinking seriously about taking the little Adamses out into the political landscape and working for him in my corner of the world. Then stuff started to trickle out about how he ran Arkansas, his tax record, the weak immigration plan, and then came:

The MITT/MIKE DEBACLE.

Mike became the "most" Christian of the candidates.  I cringed during the YouTube debate when the guy held up the Bible and asked if the candidates believed every word -- the host led off with Rudy Giuliani, who didn't realize he was being asked to go first, and as he paused, Huckabee said, "You want me to help you out with that, Rudy?"  Eww.  Then came the Christmas ad and the NY Times piece where Mike had to interject "Don't Mormons believe that Jesus and Satan are brothers?" (Only in the sense that all are God's children -- in that sense, you and I and Hitler are also siblings.)  

This is where Mormons, especially those of us who've lived in the Bible belt, can start to get a sick feeling in the stomach.  The instinct bubbles up: "here it comes again."  It has to do with the original Mormons being driven from New York to Pennsylvania to Ohio to Missouri to Illinois to Nebraska to Utah by mobs who murdered, raped and plundered them -- yes, here in the USA with all our religious freedom.  It has to do with a people who buried children and loved ones in unmarked graves along a 2000-mile trail as they sought to find a place where they could worship Jesus Christ (the one born in Bethlehem and the one that died on the cross for our sins) according to their own beliefs.  It has to do today with people who twist our beliefs into ugly half-truths that make us sound like freaks and circus dogs.  It has to do with "Christians" whose pastors  have told them not to speak to us -- not even for high school students to share a science lab group or a congregant to work for a Mormon employer -- for fear we'll use some voodoo hypnotism to kidnap them into our religion.  It has to do with people whose ministers have told them we really do have horns underneath all that big blond Utah hair.  It has to do with being weary of  having other people tell us what we believe (guess where they got their info?  oh, yes, the preacher down the road) and shoving their misconceptions down our throats before we can get a word in edgewise.  

Many people don't know that until 1976 -- not 1876, but 1976 -- there was an Extermination Order in effect in the state of Missouri, my home state.  Issued in 1838, the order said that the state of Missouri was at war against my church and if a Mormon was found to be in the state, they had to remove themselves, be removed, or face extermination.  You could kill a Mormon and have legal grounds to walk out of the police station a free man.  I was there in 1976 when Governor Kit Bond rescinded the order and apologized on behalf of the state. Having grown up in the midst of this kind of religious discrimination, I have a sixth sense when religious bigotry is entering the picture.

In Iowa, it entered the picture.

Huckabee's got some things to answer for (did he foment hate or rile up the preachers and roust the churches to stop the Mormon? Or to stop Mitt Romney?  There's an important difference there), but he'll never be asked to do it by anyone who isn't Mormon -- what do they care?  It's the old, "they came to get the artists, and I didn't stop them because I wasn't an artist; they came to get the gays, and I didn't stop them because I'm not gay; they came to get the Jews, and I didn't stop them because I'm not Jewish; then they came to get me, and there was nobody left to stop them."  Admittedly, in my indignation, I paraphrase.  But I think you can see why I'm a little concerned.

And why I want my fifty bucks back, Mike.